October 12
You know, we have never been on the same page. Never. Not once. Except for maybe in 7th grade, we both liked each other but could never bring ourselves to tell each other. Then later on, I liked you and you liked Kayla. Then we hooked up and I was head over heals in love, and you still liked me. Then by the time you were ready to be head over heals in love, I only liked you. Then we broke up. You loved me, and I wanted space. Then fast forward months later, I wanted you and you didnt know. Give it some time and then we were back together but I was already gone. Now its this, maybe this is where we are on the same page. Both broken, bitter, and uncomfortable. Or maybe that’s just me. Have you ever thought what if our timing wasnt so fucked up? What if we could turn back the clock knowing what we know now and do things differently? What if we could get on the same page? Man, there are so many “what ifs” it’s ridiculous. I’ve always said you were the one person who knew me better than anyone else on this earth. Most of the time I think you know me better than I know me, and whenever you doubt something I say I almost wonder if I’m forcing myself to say it? Does that make sense at all? I’m rambling, I know.
My mom always said that certain people will remain a constant in your life, and those were the ones that would count. Do you think we will ever be able to completely untangle our lives from each others? The fact that at least once a day there is something that sparks a memory about you or something we did together. Is it the same for you? Do you think that one day our lives will become completely intertwined with each others again and we will be on the same page?
October 6
Isn’t it crazy how things work out and change over time? In 7th grade I had the biggest crush on you, ever. I thought you were the prettiest girl ever. . Haha, its so funny how we weren’t even friends cause I was too shy to even say “hey” to you. Then we forget about each other. 12th grade comes and we are seniors, and I remember randomly I pass you in the J building, I was like wow she’s still so pretty! It’s so weird cause I feel like I never even saw you around until that moment. Then we’d just randomly see each other around and I’d throw up the peace sign and you’d giggle, tehe. Then, we had art class and me and Paul would make you laugh. Haha, you laughed at everything. Why the heck did I have any interest in Kayla??? Hahaha what even was that? Then you’re all crushing on me, and we talked bout hanging out and being all lonely. You came over, we hooked up. Obviously we just couldn’t resist each other or something, hah. Then finally after I quit being an idiot we finally were official. Then had the sickest relationship, cept I was a wus for too long. Then the storm came..and now we’re here. __________________. You just had a year anniversary with another guy that I’m still not even sure if you even really care about. And idk, its just so crazy to recap our lives through all of that time. I’ve hurt you a lot, you’ve hurt me a lot, but we’ve had more good times than I could even count on a million hands. I’ve gone through so much bitterness and confusion the past year or so. Sometimes you’re all bummed and say “I miss you, hope all is well” and then sometimes you’re all happy and feeling in love with your current situation. I can be really bad or good with holding grudges, and with what happened to us, sometimes I won’t care, or won’t know how I feel about it anymore. Sometimes I’m over it, and sometimes I still feel uneasy about it. I still see pictures of you and think “Man, she is realllly pretty.” I don’t even really know where I’m going with this. Haha, I don’t have any point or motive to this. Just Life is so funny sometimes, isn’t it?
May 10
I’m a monster
I am always going to be this way. I think you’ll be less miserable with me out side of your life.
January 17
I miss you
I can never tell you how sorry I am for ruining everything we built together :( You will always be in my heart no matter when it is or where I am.
